Good Friends are Good for your Health

A tour of Mark Twain’s home in Hartford last week, during a get away with close friends, was an unexpected discovery. I knew Twain in his role as one of the great American novelists of the 19th century, but I didn’t realize just how interesting, humorous and multi-talented he was.

And I would say he’s just about as famous for his quotes as Shakespeare!

But I digress. I use one of his profound quotes as a source of inspiration to paint a picture for today’s newsletter.

Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.

While I initially wanted to reflect on the importance of social connection, Mark Twain is taking us along for some other important considerations as well.

But first and foremost, social connection. Being with “good friends.” A very important health plank.

We know how good it feels to be with others, especially family and friends that we care about. Getting together with friends creates memories, and allows us to decompress, relax, and laugh.

Meeting a friend for a hike or a cup of coffee, or reconnecting with an old friend on the phone, allows us to step out of our moments of craziness, for a slow wind down of just being in conversation with another person.

Our stressful jam-packed lifestyle is put on hold for a while.

I imagine you've experienced the good feelings that your social connections leave with you.

I experienced it this past weekend, especially meaningful coming out of two years of zoom calls and relative social isolation.

It felt good to just sit around and talk. All day long. No activities on the schedule (except for Mark Twain) … just eating … and talking.

There are documented physiological benefits that explain just how important connection is.

According to noted functional medicine expert Chris Kresser, studies have shown that:

Social support has a profound impact on our health and that it’s an even stronger predictor of lifespan than body mass index, physical activity, blood pressure, air pollution, and even smoking 15 cigarettes a day.

Take that in. It’s a powerful statement.

Physiologically, oxytocin, a hormone that stimulates calm and trust and enhances our desire to be with others, plays a huge role here.

It is released when we are with someone, having a conversation, making eye contact and touching. It is a feel good hormone.

When we have low levels of oxytocin, we can feel disconnected, struggle with mental illness, and overall have a decreased quality of life that can lead to more serious health ailments like cardiovascular disease.

Endorphins, our feel good chemicals, also benefit us. We create endorphins when we are doing things we love … physical activity, connecting with others, listening to music, visiting a special place, playing with our pet … and reading a favorite book.

(Ah, the book part of the quote gets revealed here).

Endorphins counter stress hormones - improving our mood, our immunity, and even protecting us from disease.

Ok, that may sound like a big jump, but it just underlines the importance of social connection being one of the critical things that systematically allows us to achieve our healthy vision.

Back to a good book. A good book is a great escape. It’s calming, it allows us to shut down our computer and focus on one thing; no multitasking. Maybe we’re curled up on a cozy couch with a cup of tea. Endorphins are pumping!

Paint yourself the scene that appeals to you, making connections, relaxing with a book, and executing. It will make you live longer.

And finally, let’s explore having a “sleepy conscience.” More than anything, to me this means that it’s ok to let go … and not treat things too seriously. Go with the flow.

When I put this within a health framework, I look at approaching our goals with a mentality of trying to get it right 80% of the time. Not 100% of the time.

100% might be too limiting, too confining. Too stressful. Maybe even just too hard.

As an example, we may decide to get serious about our diet, which means controlling 100% of our meals by eating at home … but what might we be giving up?

Social connection.

Everything in life is a choice, and balance is important. Taking advantage of an evening out with friends or co-workers, even though it may lead to not the most perfect meal, is just ok.

So doctor’s orders can be as simple as: reconnect with old friends. Pick up the phone and call someone. Meet a friend for a walk in the woods or at the coffee shop. Make time for social connection. Pick up a book and relax. And maybe striving for perfection delivers more stress than it’s worth.

This doctor’s order seems like an easy pill to take. I’m all in. And hope you are too!