You Make the Weather

One of the memories that I reflect on from time to time connects back to a family vacation in Maine when I was a teenager.

We had booked a kayaking trip to explore the islands of Eggemoggin Reach, and we were excited about getting out on the water, in a kayak no less, which I think was a first for all of us.

But we awoke that morning to a gray, foggy and rainy Maine day. Not the weather we were hoping for. We were faced with the decision - do we go, or do we cancel.

Well, we decided to go. I still remember looking back at my Mom, in a double kayak behind my father, with her rain jacket pulled up around her head, and looking quite like the drowned rat. The memory of that look on her face still makes me laugh. And you know what? We had fun.

What was the alternative? To stay inside and maybe cozy up to the fireplace with a book (alright, nice alternative).

But it was so liberating to not let the weather derail our plans.

While different from a sunny day, it felt good to feel the rain on our face, and see the surrounding islands from a different perspective - veiled in fog and mist.

And the best? Deciding to step over the obstacles and readjust our expectations just kind of made this day perfect … and memorable.

In fact, I don’t think I would still remember this day if it had been a sunny one.

So where am I headed with this?

For the past couple of months, my husband has been repeating a phrase to me from time to time, which makes me stop and think:

“You make the weather.”

I have to admit, this phrase continues to circulate in my consciousness. I keep thinking about it and what it means to me.

Weather is certainly not something we can control. But we can control how we respond to it.

When we awake in the morning, we have the power to decide whether it will be a good day or a bad day. Yes, that can sound overly simplistic, and it may require a bit of thought.

When we are feeling overwhelmed by the weather in our head, identifying even one small action step forward can help. Just one small action can tamp down those storm clouds. Remember 5,4,3,2,1 Go?! Then, go!

Sometimes these strategies can help when that weather seems overwhelming:

1. Reframe:

Think about that weather in your head. Whatever is weighing on you, can you reframe it from a struggle to a challenge?

We can be consumed by struggles, but a challenge enables us to confront what’s ahead. While struggles can paralyze us, challenges embrace a growth mindset, as we consider the possibilities we can take.

2. Enjoy the journey:

Remember there is a lot to notice along the way to where we want to be.

Sometimes we spend too much time just thinking about the end game - the prize at the end of the journey.

Taking the time to savor, understand and explore the moment at hand can provide an empowering mindset.

The reflections along the way may even result in more rewards than the final destination. Understanding the moment and having the ability to course correct are powerful tools.

3. Pay attention to your self-talk:

Do you allow that storm cloud to come down hard on yourself? Do you talk differently to yourself than you would talk to your spouse, your child or a dear friend? Realize that you need the same compassionate support that you’re able to offer to others. Be forgiving. Not everything has to be perfect.

Shifting gears a bit, did you ever think about how our weather also impacts those around us? We can decide what we shower down upon those close to us … sunshine or rain … rainbows or storm clouds.

And even when we feel caught up in a storm, if we decide that we’re going to put on a good face to those around us, which might take a great deal of work, that can also subtly move us forward with positive momentum.

This is an elementary example, but sometimes I think about how I respond when my husband or one of the kids comes through the door. Like all of us, I’m typically moving in a few directions, multi-tasking in full force, and it’s easy to shout out a quick acknowledgement and continue moving through my task at hand, barely glancing up.

But then I think, I should shower this incredibly important person with attention - even if it’s just for the few moments after they’ve walked in the door.

Instead of a “hi how are you” as I barely look away from my task at hand, how about a pause to put what I’m doing aside, and offer a greeting, a smile, a hug, and a “how was your day?”

That just feels better. Small gestures, but focused attention … focused intention.

Everyone is dealing with their own storms.

But it is uplifting as I work with my clients to see them sorting through their storms, reflecting and figuring out how to regain control and move forward and accomplish goals that are going to make a huge difference in their lives.

It can be the simplest of things; it can be the most daunting challenge. But moving forward is the key.

Loads of research back up the healthy aspects of a positive outlook, a glass half full mentality. Optimists live longer than pessimists. Yes, the other pieces of our health building blocks matter - what we eat, movement, sleep and stress … but mindset is critical.

Even when the forecast doesn’t look so wonderful, we have the power to create good weather for those around us, and we have the power to create good weather for ourselves.

Spend some time thinking this week about how you make your weather and what kind of weather you want in your future.