How Friendship Fuels Our Health

For nearly 40 years, Labor Day Weekend has marked a “Same Time Next Year” tradition of gathering with my college friends. We all hold that weekend sacred, ensuring it has a permanent spot on our calendars. Year after year, we journey to the same place and spend the weekend together, comfortably reconnecting as though no time has passed.

I am immensely grateful for this ritual of gathering.  It’s a constant reminder of the vital role friendship plays in our lives. 

In fact, we often think of health in terms of diet, exercise, and sleep, but one of the most powerful influences on our well-being may be right in front of us: our friendships. 

In his book Better Together, Simon Sinek shares how meaningful relationships are essential to human health, happiness, and longevity. 

Friendship is more than just a nice-to-have; it’s vital to our mental and physical health. Studies show that people with close social connections live longer, experience lower rates of depression and anxiety, and have stronger immune systems. 

When we feel connected, our bodies release oxytocin, the “love hormone,” which helps to reduce stress and promote feelings of safety and belonging.

Simon Sinek’s work emphasizes the importance of vulnerability and support in these relationships. When we open up to our friends and feel heard, we become less isolated, which can lift the veil of loneliness and despair. This is where the 8-minute rule comes in—a powerful tool to practice.

When a friend is in need, even just an 8-minute conversation can work wonders. It's not about fixing everything or offering grand solutions; it's about being there, listening, and letting your friend know that you see them, that they’re not alone. 

This small window of connection can be enough to dissolve feelings of desperation and make a huge difference in someone's day.

The beauty of the 8-minute rule is its simplicity: you don’t need to solve your friend’s problems, just show up and listen. Sometimes, that’s all we need.

During our get together on Labor Day weekend, one friend shared a technique that has become an important part of his relationship toolkit: the Three H’s—Heard, Help, or Hug. 

Whenever his wife faces a challenge, he asks her, “Do you need to be heard, do you want help finding solutions, or do you just need a hug?”

This simple framework can make all the difference in supporting the people we care about. It allows us to offer exactly what they need in the moment, rather than assuming we know best. 

Sometimes, people just need to vent. Other times, they’re looking for answers. And every now and then, they just need the comfort of a hug.

Another heartwarming example of how simple human connection can heal comes from Zimbabwe, where the Friendship Bench project has transformed mental health care. 

In this initiative, grandmothers sit on benches in public spaces, ready to listen to anyone who sits beside them. These simple conversations have had a profound impact on mental health, providing comfort, reducing stigma, and addressing issues like depression and anxiety in a meaningful way.

This shows us that being a friend doesn’t always require formal expertise or profound advice. Often, just being present and willing to listen can have a deep impact on someone’s life.

We live in a fast-paced, digital world where true connection can sometimes feel hard to come by. 

Yet, as we’ve seen through the 8-minute rule, the three H’s, and the Friendship Bench, the most powerful healing often comes from the simplest acts of presence, attention, and care.

Friendship is a lifeline that sustains us. Whether through a quick check-in, offering a hug, or sitting quietly beside someone who needs to talk, we have the ability to lift each other up. 

Let’s make space in our lives for these meaningful connections.  And like everything in life, they require time and commitment.  Initiative.  Sometimes planning.  But as we know, that investment is so worthwhile.

So here are some action steps:

Call a friend.  Plan a coffee date.  Reconnect with someone you haven't talked to in years.   Look for volunteer opportunities where you can lend an ear to someone in need. Rather than discarding the postcard about your upcoming reunion, make plans to attend.

These small steps are the building blocks of something much larger - meaningful, lasting friendships that truly make a difference.