The Power of Words
Lots of celebrations lately - a 90th birthday, my wedding anniversary, birthdays and my youngest son’s high school graduation. Certainly these events deserve time for reflection and gratitude.
When it comes right down to it, what are always the best presents to mark these special occasions?
Well, it’s simple. Words.
Year after year I’ve told my children leading up to Christmas that the only thing I want from them is a letter. That’s it.
I save their words in a special place, and can always pull notes and cards out at any time, and cherish each and every one of them.
These words bring smiles and memories.
I admit I did have to giggle a bit last evening when we were all out to dinner celebrating my son’s graduation. He may not have been too thrilled to open up his graduation card to find four typed pages to read from Mom and Dad.
(And don’t worry, I’m not a total scrooge. We will mark his graduation with a physical present as well, but still working on that)!
In addition to receiving words, words are also a gift for those who write them.
Sitting down with a blank piece of paper or computer screen is intimidating, but once the words flow - you may be surprised by what lies in front of you.
The words that stream forth can be reflective. Or cathartic. And maybe even revelatory.
Last week my husband Mark had an offsite with a group of colleagues. They each had an assignment to share with each other. The assignment was “if you were to write a note to your 17-year-old self, what life lessons have you now learned that you would share?”
Another part of the assignment was to ask their children to write a note to them, describing what they would say about their Dad if they were introducing him to someone he had never met.
These notes were sealed, and opened and read out loud in front of a dozen colleagues. Apparently it was quite emotional … hearing these sincere thoughts from their children.
Again, the power of words. The gift of words. And talk about a pretty special Father’s Day gift.
In the abstract, parenting is tough work. None of us have a manual, and we are constantly faced with challenges and tough decisions. It’s easy to beat ourselves up, constantly questioning our actions and harboring feelings of inadequacy related to parenting.
This exercise cleared those cobwebs, bringing a great measure of relief and a ton of emotion to many. What a gift each of these men left the meeting with - positive affirmations recognizing their most important work, and even better - a new stepping stone, a clearing in the woods, to continue building upon.
So I thought I would share some of Mark’s advice to his 17-year-old self, because they are sage words that I think will connect to most of us.
But maybe before you keep reading, why don’t you pause and write down some of your own reflections? Reflections and advice you would give to your 17-year-old self now, based on your own life experiences. Advice that may also be relevant for you to share with your own children.
Mark’s words of advice to his teen self …
Life is a journey; there is no destination.
Find great joy in the highs, and learn from the lows; but remember the pendulum will swing.
The quality of your life is a direct function of what you invest in it (i.e. the best things come from hard work).
Be patient. Be nice.
Doing for others is the best way to feel satisfied.
You make the weather.
Your fundamental nature will not change; accept it and build upon it.
Be yourself - the right people will want to spend time with you.
Have the confidence to tell people what you are thinking.
Write thank you notes.
Be comfortable in silence.
Keep asking questions - especially the “dumb” ones.
Offer the first suggestion; even if they don’t like it, it creates valuable progress.
If you use the stripes on your shoulders, you diminish your ability to lead.
Value different points of view.
Listen to everyone, then decide for yourself.
Teach your kids to love what you love (e.g. make skiing fun for a 4 year old) - they will find the passion too, and ask you to do it with them.
Seek challenges that excite and intimidate you.
It’s not the race, it’s the training.
Invest in yourself - keep growing.
In tough times, show up; being there matters.
Do the right thing, especially when it is hard.
Be happy with who you are.
As I re-read this list, I realize, while these words are so appropriate for the mindset of a young mind, they continue to serve their purpose today. Kind of rules to live by, day by day.
Words build connections; writing words down can provide relief … and clarity.
What a great recipe for our health - a stress reducer on one hand, a connector on the other.
Our connections to others are recognized by many of our health professionals as the most important thing you can do. Even more important to our health than what we eat or how much we exercise.
So grab a piece of paper. Write down some thoughts. Some important learnings. Release and explore emotions. And maybe share those words with those you care about. Tell them how much they mean to you.
I’m sure you’ll find it worthwhile.