To Love and Be Loved …
It's the day after Valentine's Day, so I'm naturally thinking about LOVE.
And thinking about LOVE, I'm reminded of a favorite quote of a cousin-in-law of mine, who was the type of person who lived large, always seized the day, had an insatiable curiosity, and could easily drop a Shakespeare quote into an otherwise mundane conversation.
So when I learned of his favorite quote, and knowing him, I was preparing myself for quite an erudite phrase … something profound and complex that I would really need to think about.
But instead, it was a simple quote … a quote that I thought I didn’t need to think about.
But do you know what? I’ve been thinking about it ever since.
The quote, one from George Sand, a French novelist of the 19th century was:
"There is only one happiness in this life, to love and be loved."
Well, of course, I thought. We love … and we love to be loved in return.
Love is really at the heart of all we do. It elevates the way we live. Or at least hopefully.
Because thinking about and administering love does require some thinking.
How often do we really think about what it means to activate love?
When we receive it, it is a gift that provides security that can make us brave. It is a gift that provides both warmth and confidence.
And to give love, we exercise vulnerability and empathy and kindness. We expand others hearts, while we expand our own. It’s a gift that costs us nothing to give, but pays us back immeasurably.
According to Gary Chapman, author of the book The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts, there are five primary ways to activate love:
Words
Quality Time
Acts of Service
Gifts
Physical touch
We probably all say “I love you” frequently enough, but how often do we tell the people we love, why we love them?
This is one reason that "celebrating" all those special moments in life is so important. It provides a pause, to just be in the moment with those we love, sharing words and stories that bring that love to life.
I’m grateful that many years ago I told my children to celebrate my birthday or Christmas by writing me a letter, rather than giving me a gift.
So I now own this treasure trove of little love letters that I’ve received over the years. While my youngest son Sam’s gift of “Sampons” - his version of a coupon to be redeemed for acts of service (from doing the dishes to washing my car) always make me laugh - the notes are really just filled with words that I love to read.
And of course, my son Sam's “Sampons” are gifts of kindness.
Those are my best gifts from my kids (now young adults) … even though I initially kind of had to force it out of them. And I'm grateful that it's a habit that has turned into a ritual for each of them.
When you really think about it, all of the beautiful ways of showing and sharing love are, and should be, just part of a normal day.
Telling someone why they are so important to you …
Grabbing a cup of coffee with a friend …
Listening intently, and being present …
Delivering a meal to a friend or neighbor when they are just not feeling up to par …
Giving a gift, just because ...
Holding the supermarket door for a stranger ...
Giving your dog a big hug …
Observing the beauty that exists around you … the warm sun, a pretty flower, a dramatic sky, and recognizing your gratefulness
It all counts … ways to show … share … receive … and observe love.
So rather than love being this ethereal blanket that wraps around our life (although that does sound lovely) … think through how you can really activate it.
The Swedish book and movie, A Man called Ove by Fredrik Backman, and also an American movie starring Tom Hanks called A Man called Otto, demonstrates the power of giving and receiving love and the gift of community that comes along with this exchange.
For Ove/Otto, a big curmudgeon by nature, this wasn’t such an easy thing. This movie creeps along, layers unfolding that finally leave you in a very happy place, because you've just witnessed the power of love in so many ways. And just like the quote above, this book, and this movie, stayed with me for weeks after.
If you haven't seen it, watch it. It is subtlety powerful. As is love.
And for those of you who are fans of the movie Love Actually, the concluding line is:
“Love actually is all around us.”
Not a bad sentiment to tune into, observe and live by.
And sometimes we just have to look around for it, open up our hearts to it, and practice the art of sharing love.
"There is only one happiness in this life, to love and be loved."
”To Love and Be Loved is the greatest happiness.”