Spotlight on The Band of Sisters: Advice to My Younger Self

Think “younger you” – and you probably get an instant image of the physical younger you. If you’re like me, the image of myself that appears most readily in my brain is me at 30.

If only!

But there is more to ponder beyond the physical when thinking back to the younger you. No matter your age, you’ve walked through many stages of life … collecting wisdom.

But how often do we take the time to mine that wisdom - reflect and think about the nuggets that we’ve collected along the way?

Given the fast pace of our lives, probably rarely. If ever.

And honestly, if we take time to think about our life lessons, I bet there’s a tremendous amount of value that is revealed. It gives us that opportunity to take our own advice if you will.

So just think for a second …

What advice would you give your teen-aged self? (read former blog post The Power of Words about just that here).

What would you do differently as a college student? A young mother or father? A spouse?

What have you learned from your experience in the workplace? Navigating your career? The pivots you took along the way?

These are the lessons of our lives. No matter our age, whether 30, 50, 70, or 90 … if we allow ourselves time to reflect, we are going to land on some hard-won wisdom.

Recently, I came across a conversation on just this topic - life lessons you would share with your younger self. This conversation was among a group of friends and former colleagues, The Band of Sisters, and authors of the new book You Should Smile More.

This extremely impressive group of wise women and corporate C-Suite leaders have collected experiences, observations, and pivotal insights about navigating the corporate world as women, and are on a mission to educate, in a humorous and practical way, how to “dismantle gender bias in the workplace.”

For any woman or man, at any age, this is a provocative read. It weaves through the intricacies of corporate life – and raises everyone’s sensitivity level about how to just be aware, responsible, fair and productive when navigating the social and gender dynamics of an organization.

And to achieve that, you must dismantle a lot of the seemingly innocuous mores of traditional corporate life and create a new level of consciousness to elevate the full potential of the workplace.

This book was obviously created by doing a whole lot of reflecting … successful women thinking about their careers, their opportunities and missteps, their observations.

In one featured interview with The Band of Sisters, they too were thinking about the advice they would give to their younger selves.

Their insights were particularly meaningful, as their reflections were not only profound for navigating careers, but also for managing life. After all, the more we can think about the way we transact in this world in a holistic way, the richer our lives will be.

So here comes the wisdom from The Band of Sisters, with a little commentary from yours truly, the resident Health Coach.

Lori Tauber Marcus: “Take your weaknesses and get them to standard. Stop spending time trying to make your weaknesses strengths…Take your strengths and figure out what they would look like if they were towering strengths… and what it would look like if you were the best in the world at this (one thing).”

This struck a chord with me. How often do we grapple with our weaknesses - worried about what we’re not great at. For some of us, quite a lot.

How often have we prepared for past interviews wrestling through how to respond to the question we all hate: “Tell me about your weaknesses.”

That question always seemed like a bit of a gut punch. But the reality is, we all have weaknesses. It’s impossible to excel at everything.

Yes, we should recognize our weaknesses, but more importantly, we need to be in touch with what our strengths are … and what they mean to us. For some of us, we don’t take the time to think about this – and our strengths aren’t even readily articulable.

Lori suggests taking your towering strength and envisioning what it looks like to be the best person in the world owning that strength … what does it look like? What can you do? What can you create? What are the heights to which you can aspire?

When we are acutely aware of our key strengths … that opens the doors to positive momentum and opportunity.

Dawn Hudson: “It’s important to acknowledge you have a personal life and to integrate your personal life into your day-to-day life. (It’s unsustainable) to go to work for 8-10 hours a day, and then go home and do your personal stuff… Make one list of everything you need to do (not a work list and a personal list) … because it’s all important.”

I loved this insight coming from Dawn, especially as it relates to my life when we worked together. I was a Marketing Director on Dawn’s team when she was CMO of Pepsi-Cola.

As a young 20-something in the corporate world, my primary goal was to achieve a certain professional level, and to then figure out how to balance work and family. I was so profoundly fortunate to work with many that supported me when I ventured into the touchy realm of a 3-day 30+ hour schedule at work once I had kids.

There were insecurities, of course, about what was ahead. How might the trajectory of my career be impacted … and always wondering if I would ever get promoted again.

But I also knew that I had to do what made sense for me at the time - and reset expectations for what I was looking to get out of my career.

Luckily, I worked with people who gave me the space to figure out how to get it done, and who continued to support me in increasingly demanding roles, despite my customized schedule. I certainly mastered the art of efficiency at that time in my life.

Sometimes that elusive balance between work and personal life is seemingly impossible to achieve. But again, trying to figure out how to integrate your work with personal life is so important. It will never be perfect, and it will never be easy. But you need to take the time to create the plan for that integration.

When you do that, you’ll feel more in control … and therefore happier … and therefore healthier.

While it seems simple – taking Dawn’s advice to just write one “to do” list can be profound.

I’m an avid list maker – one for work, one for family, one for household, one for volunteer activities and so on. (Yes, I know – that’s definitely not “one list”).

I end up having so many disparate lists that I just lose track. Often, I must restart that list making.

Eventually the tasks all get done, but I realize how much more effective I am when it’s all recorded on one list, and I have the discipline to mine the list and prioritize it on a daily basis.

When I start my day thinking about what the most important thing is that I need to accomplish that day … I set the expectation, and usually can deliver. And at the end of the day, that is what feels good.

Angelique Bellmar Krembs: “Be really clear on what your goals are and that way you know when you are successful. I wish I had known sooner to apply this same approach to my own personal goals…”

In corporate life, goals are our guideposts. They are the game plan for how we’re aligned with our organization to deliver results.

But unfortunately, after a long day of work, sometimes when we get home we can only muster up enough energy to react to what’s at hand. And then before we know it, we’re just being carried along with the momentum of the evening, rather than controlling it or guiding it.

Setting personal goals on an annual basis, like we do in our work life, is critical. It gives us permission to set guardrails for what we will and won’t do, what we want to accomplish and focus on as it relates to ourselves and our family, how we want to have fun and with whom we want to connect.

The task of figuring out how to fit it all in is a challenge … which, of course, can involve a great deal of problem solving and prioritizing.

But when we give ourselves the time to think through these things … how we take care of ourselves, and how we want to be with the people who are most precious to us, we gain a measure of control that sustains us when things get crazy.

Mitzi Short, Cie Nicholson and Katie Lacey provided similar advice on the importance of advocating for yourself:

Mitzi: “Ask for what you want. Don’t wait for opportunities to come to you - proactively seek them out.”
Cie: “Don’t rely on the notion that “your good work will speak for itself.”
Katie: “Negotiate harder for yourself. Push for what you want. Have confidence that your work is worth it.”

Only we know what is in our head. Only we know where we want to go. Only we know best how our strengths and hard work have benefited our company… because we’re intimately involved in it every day.

There’s only one way to guarantee you get what you want in life.

First, you must know what it is. Name it. Write it down. (That great exercise of goal setting).

Second, work hard to achieve it, which might involve a good dose of leveraging and fine-tuning those strengths… and remember, small steps in the right direction can take you where you want to go.

Third, when you know the time is right, ask for what you want – even if you’re asking yourself for permission. Only you can do this, because only you know what’s in your mind.

Rather than allowing thoughts to fester … getting them out of our head and down on paper … so that they can make their way into conversations with the right people at the right time can only help us move along the path we envision for ourselves.

So to sum it all up, the advice from The Band of Sisters is simple, relevant and expansive:

Embrace your strengths.

Balance life as best you can, being conscious of how you integrate work and personal life.

Define and honor your goals holistically, and define what success looks like.

Be your best advocate.

Acknowledgement of this wisdom puts the reigns in our hands.

And when we take the time to reflect on what makes us exceptional – because we all are in our own way – we can leverage that wisdom to continue stepping forward towards new heights.

And I’m sure that will make us more successful … happier … and healthier.